Even though I know I have lost a lot of weight, which the scale still confirms every week, I often enough do not see myself as a regular (or healthy) sized girl. When I look into the mirror I often still see the overweight, chubby girl that I have been for most of my life. Even when others tell me how much weight I have lost, I am occasionally quite blind to it.
Last week I went shopping with my lovely friend Bianca and tried on a dress which had a pencil skirt. Whilst I was unsure whether or not I should take the dress, because I was worrying if it did not make my hips look huge, if it was flattering and did not make me look bigger than I was she blurted out: Gosh Mar! You are so skinny!
And this actually came as a total surprise to me, since at that very moment I was still seeing the chubby girl in the mirror. You know, the type that shouldn’t wear pencil skirts, because they are unflattering?
I ended up buying the dress, because I decided that I liked it and that I actually did look good in it. Once the weather actually allows for me to wear it (which I hope is really soon) I will try to see if I can make a picture of it to share with you guys. (Go project confidence!).
There are moments though when I do suddenly realize how far I have come. Usually these are the unexpected moments: when I glance in a bathroom mirror which happens to be full length, accidentally see myself in a window… or like last week when I tried on a really cute shirt with stars that was completely my style and super flattering.
To be honest, my new silhouette is not the only thing that is taking some getting used to. I still have not gotten accustomed to the idea that I am actually at a point where I am happy with my weight. I have currently stopped losing weight, not because I cannot loose more, but because I do not want to. I have decided that I am actually happy with the way I look at my current weight.
Honestly speaking I never thought that I would ever get to this point. Looking back I now realize that when I started dieting for the first time in 2012, I pretty much settled for a weight goal that was healthy and seemed doable, which at the time was 71 kilos. And although I was happier after losing 13 kilo’s, I was definitely not at a point where I thought: well that’s enough. No need to loose more. I’m good. And perhaps it was that mindset which made it so easy to fall back into my old habits and to gain back about 3 kilo’s.
This time, though, loosing weight somehow seemed to be a lot easier and I decided to go for a weight I actually felt good at. Mind you, I did this whilst having severe doubts that I would ever be able to get to 68 kg. But lo and behold, I actually am below 67 kg. And I have been for about 3 months now! Whoot!
But well I am working on it and the moments of acceptance (and bliss!) are getting more frequent. 🙂 So if you are reading this and struggling to see the weight that you have lost then know that you are not alone! It’s all just part of the process. And eventually even you will be able to see the changes.