Project confidence: Perhaps being you is good enough

I am typing this post whilst siting on my warm, comfy couch,wrapped in a blanket whilst one of my cats is vying for my attention. Outside white flakes of frozen water have been falling down the sky for a good two hours by now. So the world is white and sparkly.

Although we usually go grocery shopping on Saturday’s that is obviously not going to happen today. We have to walk at least 15 minutes to get to the stores (yes *gasp* we do not own a car) and it’s just too risky. I really do not want to fall haha.

So rather than spending my time working on my grocery list or prepping for the grocery haul, I actually have the time to sit down and write a blog post.

I just wanted to apologize for the not so positive post last week, but I only thought it fair to share my downs as well as my ups with you. A lot of my readers as well as friends have told me in the past that they could not imagine how I balance all aspects of my life and look perfect whilst doing it. They told me they wished could do all of that like I did… So, I just thought it would be fair to show them that I actually often struggle to keep all my juggling balls in the air. I suppose this also shows that everyone has their own struggles: even though they may appear perfect to you, they usually are far from it. So I am going to share some advice that I have been trying to implement myself as well: Continue reading


Surprise promotion, tap dance and Pokémon

I just wanted to give everyone a short update as a lot of great things have been happening during the past two weeks.

toujou-nozomi-full-1745026Yes you have read the title correctly: I got a surprise promotion! After a meeting on location this Monday, my manager casually dropped that she had a letter for me at the office which she had forgotten to give to me earlier on the day. As I do not usually get letters from my employer, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked her what was in the letter. To my complete surprise she informed me that it stated that I had been promoted to Senior Information and Process coordinator as of July 1st.

Now I did not see this one coming! Continue reading

Project confidence

People who know me do not immediately classify me as insecure. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I have never tried weed (even though I have lived in Amsterdam most of my life), I don’t wear make-up and I dress the way I like. I cannot remember the time I caved to group pressure to do something that I really did not wish to do… I believe the last time was when I was about 9 years old. I have always had a very strong sense of self. Other than on stage or in drama class I never pretended to be someone that I am not. I have always only been me.

And yet, despite knowing who I am and never pretending to be otherwise, I lack confidence. MASSIVELY. Yes, you can be yourself and still be completely insecure in being it. Don’t get me wrong, I have slowly been gathering confidence over the years, but it still needs a heck of a lot of work… So, I have decided I am going to start a project for myself: Project Confidence (I like the double meaning in it).

project confidence

So why am I insecure? I am not going to bore you with the details about being teased as a child in primary school for being overweight or having a head the colour of a tomato when I was warm. Yes this left its scars, but I have not had it nearly as tough as some of my readers probably have had it. I had friends and never felt completely isolated. I probably came home crying once or twice, but definitely not every day, every week or even every month. The kids did not make me perfectly miserable. But that does not mean that the comments they made did not leave any scars. It somehow left me with the feeling that I was different and that I did not quite fit in.

There is, however, one event that took place whilst I was still in primary school, though it happened outside of school, that I would like to share with you. This had a really big impact on me. I have not shared this story with a lot of people… If I have ever shared it at all.

Continue reading