Looking back and looking forward

You know those days when your body is exceedingly tired, but your brain wants to do  A TON? Well that’s me today. And one of the things my brain apparently wants to do today, is write a blogpost. And not just any blogpost though. An end of year post, hence the title. A bit early, I admit, but I am not sure if I will have the I apologize in advance if I end up rambling a little in this blog: fatigue makes it hard to write coherent English sentences lol.

Last year I wrote a post with my goals for 2017. So I thought it would be nice to use that post to review the year and to set some goals for the coming year. If you just want to see the goals 2018, then feel free to skip to the end.

Looking back at 2017

Weight-loss

My first goal was weight-loss related. I wanted to lose weight and maintain it for the entire year. Well, I am a little sad to write that I was not able to maintain my weight-loss after I got to 68kg. When I stood on the scales last Sunday I was back at 69,9kg. In my head I am now forming all sorts of excuses which include my Chronique Fatigue Syndrome, which has been bothering me severely again since August. However, the bottom line is that I have let myself go and have been eating waaayyy too many sweets (chocolates, biscuits, crisps… the works). What can I say? I eat when I am tired. So during the last two weeks of 2017 I am just going to try and do some damage control.

And in the new year I am going to see if I can at least retrain my mind to go for healthy snacks, rather than unhealthy ones. So if anyone has any warm, wintery healthy snack recipes: please don’t hesitate to share them in the comments.

 

Exercise

Well this has been a bit of a hit and miss. Since August I have been really struggling. On the upside, I have been consistently walking between 10.000 and 13.000 steps on the days I go to work so at least I get my exercise in on those days.

Tap dance has been a bit of a different story though. I have had to cancel a couple of times, simply because my body was so tired that I either felt sick or was shaking like a straw. Lessons are currently on hold due to the Christmas holidays, but I hope to be able to make it there every week starting January. The day got rescheduled from Tuesday evening to Saturday morning, so I am hoping that helps a little as well.

As for Yoga: I am currently just doing that whenever I feel like I have the energy for it, which currently isn’t very often. With the holidays coming up, life has just been a bit hectic and it has taken its toll. But that is ok.We’ll get there when we get there ;).

Needless to say running is not anywhere in the picture at the moment. It makes me a little sad, but hey, that’s life. At least I have something to look forward to when I start to get a little bit more energy again.

 

Project confidence

I honestly think that this is the one area where I have made the most progress this year. I feel a lot more confident in myself. As a result, it is for example a little, tiny bit easier for me to talk to someone I don’t know at a conference. So that’s a win. I have also realized that I am incredibly blessed and have quite a lot of people who like me for who I am and like to spend time with me (or even go on trips with me!). And bonus, I feel relatively comfortable taking selfies… I even suggest making them sometimes now. Yeay!

I have been getting a bit more conscious about the increasingly darker bags underneath my eyes, but thankfully there’s foundation and concealer for this kind of thing. So yes, I will be using a bit of make-up into my life (*gasp*) to make sure that doesn’t get into my way of becoming increasingly more confident.

 

PhD and research

Well… yeah… There’s been some highs and lows I suppose. I did manage to get a chapter accepted which is to appear in a book to be published with Routledge, and have sent in my contributions to the Companion to Victorian Popular Literature which is to come out with McFarland. So I am pretty happy with that.

I was, however, planning on graduating this year, which did not happen. Having to admit that I was not going to be able to make the deadline I set myself has been exceedingly hard. Especially when I had to explain this to other people. It’s really hard not to feel like you are a massive failure when you have to tell them once again: “nope, this year is not the year”. I just had to write an update to my supervisors that I basically do not have anything to show them after 3 months, and it was really hard not to break down in tears. There really is little more aggravating than really wanting to do something, but not physically being able to do it.

But that’s just something I am going to have to learn to deal with. I also need to stop looking at my body as an impediment in this respect: yes I am kind of at its merci, but hey: I can still go to work 3 days a week and can still do some fun stuff. Which is more than most people with CFS can do. So here’s to positivity!

I do, however, mean to graduate the coming year, so that is going to call for some changes in how I manage my energy and time, but more on that below.

 

Goals for 2018

🙂 Yep, even despite my CFS I am still setting some goals for 2018. Although they are a bit more tentative. Why, you may wonder? Well, because:

Weight-loss

Well I, as I have stated above: my goal for 2018 is to lose the 1,9 kg I have gained and to train myself to grab healthier snacks, when I feel like I need them.

Exersize. 

I really want to tap dancing and try to do whatever I can yoga wise. I would absolutely love to take up running again, but honestly: I am just glad if I can manage to do Yoga three time a week right now.

PhD, research and social life

Now this is going to be the biggest challenge.

I really, really want to graduate this year, but this will require me to make some massive changes in how I manage my time. Meeting up with friends, as much as I love doing it, takes up a lot of energy. And I mean: a lot. If I spend an entire day with someone in addition to working 3 days a week, it can take up to 2-3 days for me to recover. Thus not leaving me with much (if any) time for writing.

If I want to get more writing done, I will have to be more careful with my time. And unfortunately, that means I will not be able to meet up with others as much as I would like to. I have currently set myself a limit of no more than 2 days for social activites per month. Now, this may change as my energy levels go up, but for now, this is all I can manage.

I really, really hope my friends and family will understand. Because I really love spending time with every last one of them.

The most amazing trip ever

As many of you guys know (because I have been screaming it off the rooftops) by the end of 2018 my fiancé, mother-in-law and I will be traveling all the way to America to visit Walt Disney World! 😀 I am so, so, so excited for this. I have a countdown calendar on my phone and everything haha.

So I am excited to see what 2018 may bring. And just in case I do not post before Christmas and New Years: